He said - She said

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He said - She said

Post  EarthsAngel on Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:24 am

He Said To Me!







l

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you?



He said to me . . ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart



He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time



He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.



He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.



He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.






He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?


I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

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Re: He said - She said

Post  EarthsAngel on Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:24 am

British Humour.....!! (politically very incorrect....)




Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..

They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.

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Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care......

One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma.


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During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree.

A spokesman for the Birmingham City Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there'.

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Asian Minorities in the UK have complained that there is not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown 5 times a week now.


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I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits.


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A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... They are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"


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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.

How could anyone stoop so low?


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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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Re: He said - She said

Post  EarthsAngel on Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:27 am

The Husband Store










Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'


So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:


Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. (scroll and keep reading!)


PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex..


The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

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Re: He said - She said

Post  EarthsAngel on Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:30 am

A man went to the Civil Service to apply for a job. The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything?
He replied, 'yes - caffeine'.
Have you ever been in the military service?
'Yes,' he replied.' I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points towards employment.
Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?'
The man said, 'Yes... A roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.'
The interviewer said O.K. - You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. To 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan on starting @ 10:00 A.M. every day.
The man, puzzled, asks, 'if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that!

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Re: He said - She said

Post  Chelseaboy on Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:27 pm

LMAO lol!
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Re: He said - She said

Post  Guest on Sun May 09, 2010 4:47 pm

p m s l very funny stuff well done. Laughing

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