I've Often Wondered...

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I've Often Wondered...

Post  El Guapo on Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:29 am

I've Often Wondered


I've often wondered why,
There's so many different kinds of poo,
Runny ones, stodgy ones,
And nutty ones too,
Some have bits of sweetcorn,
Others bits of onion,
Where did these vegetables come from?
I don't remember eating them,
Why is some poo yellow?
Why is some poo green?
And I'm sure my poo last night was purple,
Or was that just a dream?
And what about those phantom poos,
The ones that never come?
The ones where you sit all day long,
Just waiting for it to come?
Then you have those kinds of poos,
That never seem to stop,
The ones that fill up the entire bowl,
All the way up to the top,
Then you have the mystery poos,
Where you think you've passed a lot,
Only when you look inside the bowl,
You only see a tiny plop,
It's time for me to go now,
My story is almost done,
THe only thing left to do,
Is to clean my dirty bum.
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Re: I've Often Wondered...

Post  xtras on Sun Feb 14, 2010 3:37 pm

lmfao!!!! Very Happy
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Re: I've Often Wondered...

Post  Dame Edna on Sun Feb 14, 2010 4:29 pm


I'm slowly getting there.. affraid

Will I Have To Be Sexy At Sixty?
by Pam Ayres

Will I have to be sexy at sixty?
Will I have to keep trying so hard?
Well I'm just going to slump
With my dowager's hump
And watch myself turn into lard.

I'm not going to keep exercising,
I'm not going to take HRT,
If a toy boy enquires
I'll say, "Hah! Hard luck squire!
Where were you in 73...?"

I'm not going to shave my moustaches,
I'm just going to let them all sprout,
My chins'll be double
All covered in stubble,
I'm going to become an Old Trout!

My beauty all gone and forgotten,
Vanished with never a quibble,
I'll sit here and just
Kind of gnaw at a crust
And squint at the telly, and dribble.

As my marbles get steadily fewer
Must I battle to keep my allure?
Have I still got to pout
Now my teeth have come out
And my husband has found pastures newer?

Farewell to the fad and the fashion,
Farewell to the young and the free!
My passion's expired,
At bedtime... I'm TIRED!
Sexy and sixty? Not me!

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Re: I've Often Wondered...

Post  Dame Edna on Sun Feb 14, 2010 4:36 pm




The Wonderbra
by Pam Ayres

I bought myself a Wonderbra
For fourteen ninety nine,
It looked so good on the model girl's chest,
And I hoped it would on mine,
I took it from the packaging
And when I tried it on,
The Wonderbra restored to me
All I believed had gone.

It gave me such a figure,
I can't believe it's mine,
I showed it to my husband
And it made his eyeballs shine,
And when I served the breakfast,
The kids cried out, 'Hooray!
Here comes our darling mother,
with her bosom on a tray!'

I didn't really need one,
my present bra, it's true,
Had only been in constant use
Since nineteen eighty-two,
But the silhouette I dreamed about,
Is mine, is mine at last,
And builders on the scaffolding,
Drop off as I walk past
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Re: I've Often Wondered...

Post  EarthsAngel on Mon Feb 15, 2010 12:33 am

LOL Nel those are really good. Very Happy

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