BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Guest Fri Jun 11, 2010 2:36 pm
and i bet she is like Ena Sharples and not Cheryl Cole
Guest- Guest
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Fri Jun 11, 2010 3:59 pm
And she may be watching col, so be a good lad..
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:25 pm
Thx to nippy
For this artical.. 
Jack Russell Toby bit off more than he could chew when he devoured the morning post and the mashed up paper and envelope glue set, locking his jaws together.
Owner Gill Bird was stunned when she returned home to discover her mischievous pet could not open his mouth.
After Gill, 41, tried unsuccessfully to prise open his locked jaws herself, she drove him to the vet.
Mischievous: Toby the Jack Russell found his jaws clamped shut after glue from the post he had been chewing set
Staff there tried to force open the dog's jaws but had to sedate anxious Toby in order to pick away at the glue and open his mouth.
Toby's jaws had become stuck together after he ripped up the morning post when it landed on the doormat at Gill's home in Lee-on-the-Solent, Hampshire.
The envelope glue had become sticky and, mixed with the paper, had set like papier-mache, locking Toby's upper and lower jaws shut.
Gill said: 'Toby likes to attack the post. When we hear the letter box go we have to run and get to the post before he does.
'I came home with some fish and chips for lunch. I went to give him a chip and wondered why he wouldn't take it. He was drooling. I thought it was strange.
'All this paper was mashed around his teeth. It was absolutely stuck to it. I tried to stick my finger in his mouth but he couldn't open it.
'He had bubbles and saliva coming out of his mouth and he had a strange look on his face.
Unstuck: Toby, had to be sedated as a vet worked to remove the glue from his jaws.
'It's just really bizarre. I can't help but laugh.
'He is the most fantastic dog. He's very lively. He's loved by everyone, he's so much fun.'
Ian Wooding, a veterinary surgeon at Alver Vets, in nearby Stubbington, described it as a 'very unusual case'.
He said: 'I couldn't believe it until I saw it, his mouth was stuck together. It was very funny - although not for the dog, of course.
'He had chewed on an envelope and he chewed it up to the point where the mashed up paper and the glue had gone all sticky.
'At first I thought I'd get his mouth open without a problem - but I soon realised it wasn't budging at all.
'We tried to scrape some of it out but the dog was getting quite worked up. He was growling and I think he would have bitten me if he'd been able to.
'We decided to sedate him but even then it took the nurse and I a good 10 minutes to scrape all the paper out of his teeth and get his jaw open again.
'I've never seen anything like it. I hope he's learnt his lesson - but I doubt it!'
Toby returned home a few hours after the sedation wore off, fit and well.
I'm so glad there was a happy ending..
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
dolly Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:35 pm
nelix wrote:
And she may be watching col, so be a good lad..
[img]
Ena Sharples...there's a blast from the past LOL
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
dolly Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:37 pm
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Tue Jun 15, 2010 12:23 pm
Maradona is never without his vuvuzela...
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Wed Jun 16, 2010 1:44 pm
Looking for the love of your life?? Well look no further..
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Dame Edna Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:24 pm
You might like this one EL..
On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.
The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'
After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'
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Dame Edna Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:27 pm
Last edited by nelix on Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:30 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
El Guapo Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:28 pm
I want the address of that park!
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Wed Jun 16, 2010 3:51 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
dolly Thu Jun 17, 2010 11:05 am
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Thu Jun 17, 2010 6:19 pm
WELCOME TO TPA
(Terrorist-Proof Airlines)
We at TPA, Terrorist-Proof Airlines, are in the flying business !
We can absolutely guarantee no WALK-ON GUNS, KNIVES, BOX CUTTERS, SHOE-BOMBS or other weapons will ever be carried onto OUR FLIGHTS !
Book your next flight with TPA, the safest airline in the industry.
Did you know....
...that the words "race car" spelled backward still spells "race car"?
...that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense, "ate"?
And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in "illegal immigrants," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Go home you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, violent, non-English-speaking assholes and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-loving, raggedy-ass bastards with you."
How weird is that???...
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Sat Jun 19, 2010 12:04 pm
What a miserable day its been here. Rain off and on all day, and cold enough for the heating to go on! It is summer yeah??
Anyway,heres something to smile about.. 
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Sun Jun 20, 2010 5:12 am
Its a special day for all you Dads out there, and I hope you all have a wonderfull day with your loved ones..
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Sun Jun 20, 2010 7:38 am
Huey Thomasson of The Outlaws passed away late Sunday night. The Outlaws were one of the great southern rock bands who were in the midst of a comeback tour and a new album is expected in January..R.I.P Huey..
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Sun Jun 20, 2010 1:49 pm
Ah--the Irish are so logical!
The Irish Millionaire.
Mick, from Dublin ,appeared on
'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
and towards the end of the program
had already won 500,000 pounds.
"You've done very well so far,"
said Chris Tarrant,
the show's presenter,
"but for a million pounds
you've only got one life-line left –
phone a friend.
Everything is riding on this question.....
will you go for it?"
"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest?
a) Sparrow
b) Thrush,
c) Magpie,
d) Cuckoo?"
"I haven't got a clue." said Mick,
''so I'll use last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Dublin ."
Mick called up his mate, and told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
"Fookin hell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple......
It's a cuckoo."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm fookin sure."
Mick hung up the phone and told Chris,
"I'll go wit Cuckoo as my answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Dat it is, Sir."
There was a long - long pause, and then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the correct answer!
Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!"..
The next night,
Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy?
How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesn't build its own nest?"
"Because he lives in a Fookin clock!"....
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Dame Edna Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:50 am
Its that time again folks...Wimbledon!! A time to sit back, relax and watch some world class tennis players thrashing it out for that coverted trophy. Personally, i'd rather watch paint dry..
anyway, here are a few facts.. Tennis has grown into one of the major professional sports of the modern era. Although we invented a game called Real Tennis, the type of tennis we play today originated in France. Today there are hundreds of tournaments every year including the four major Grand Slam Tournaments of which Wimbledon is one.
Over 300 pupils from local schools compete annually for the prestige of being one of the 200 ball boys at The Championships. Ball boys were drawn solely from local schools from 1967 and 1977, respectively. From 1977 Girls made their first appearance.
There are more than 200 ball boys and ball girls used to fetch tennis balls during Wimbledon
New balls are supplied after every 7 to 9 games. 1,250 dozen balls are used during the tournament!
The first Wimbledon took place in 1877 solely as an amateur competition. Men's singles was the only event that took place. There were 22 competitors and the championship was won by Spencer Gore. A few hundred spectators were in attendance.
Women's singles and men's doubles events began seven years later, in 1884.
May Sutton of the United States became the first non-European champion in 1905 when she captured the women's singles title.
Charlotte (Lottie) Dod became the youngest player ever to win a Wimbledon singles event when, in 1887, she won at the age of 15 years, 285 days. In 1996 Martina Hingis became a Wimbledon doubles champion at 15 years, 282 days. And by the way, Dod was also a silver medalist in archery at the 1908 Olympics, a member of the British national field hockey team in 1899, and the British Amateur golf champ in 1904.
During World War II, a bomb ripped through Centre Court at the All England Club and 1,200 seats were lost. Fortunately, they weren't filled at the time. Play finally resumed in 1946 but it wasn't until 1949 that the area was back in top shape.
American Althea Gibson became the first black player to win a Wimbledon singles championship when she captured the title in 1957. She successfully defended her title a year later. She was named Associated Press Female Athlete of the Year in both years.
In 1985, Boris Becker accomplished three feats: he became the youngest male singles champ (17 years, 227 days old), the first German champ, and the first unseeded champ.
There are currently 20 grass courts available for play at the Wimbledon complex. The Number 1 Court now comes complete with large fans at either end to dry out the court in case of rain. There are also five red shale courts, four clay courts, and five indoor courts for club members.
The last married woman to win the women's singles championship was Chris Evert Lloyd in 1981.
A wooden racket was last used at Wimbledon in 1987.
The men's singles winner receives £575,000, while the women's winner gets £535,000. In 1968, the year of the first "open" championships, the prize money was £2,000 and £750, respectively. In 2007 for the first time at Wimbledon women received the same prize money as the men.
Aside from cash, the women's champ also receives a silver gilt salver (a round, disk-like platter) that was made in 1864. The men's winner receives a silver gilt cup from 1887. Both are actually displayed at the Wimbledon museum for most of the year.
No towels at the back of the court. Do you agree that it is demeaning to the ball boys and girls to be responsible for a sweat towel? Think about what's in it! The players should carry their own towels like Wimbledon players of the past did, tucked neatly and nicely in the belt.
Did you know?
1977 - is the date that Ball Girls were first introduced.
1980 - saw the first mixed teams of Ball Boys and Girls.
1986 - then the last hurdle Ball Girls seen on Centre Court for the first time.
There have been some great players over the years, exciting and thrilling to watch..But one will always stand out for me. The passion, drive and total dedication for his sport was always evident..
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
El Guapo Wed Jun 23, 2010 1:56 pm
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
El Guapo Mon Jun 28, 2010 5:07 am
Hehehehe