El's Pick of the Day's Stories

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:42 am


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  chelseaz on Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:23 am

you don't get out of a good slapping ...just because it's christmas el lol!...i have never relied on a man for my maintainance....i am a fully self supporting woman who only has men to satisfy my lustful nature...they arent much good for anything else,if a flat pack needs building ...i do it! ....anyway there are plenty of slobby, useless,skunk smoking ,beer drinking ,tatooed waste of space men on the dole....so why shouldn't the girls have a go....ha ha!
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:19 am

I have a tattoo and I am a housewife. What a Face

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sun Dec 19, 2010 1:30 pm

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid...

This Christmas, forget the fun. Forget the lights. And forget the all the candy.

This Christmas will be like no other. This Christmas will be a Christmas to remember.

This Christmas you're gonna scream. You're gonna cry. You're gonna beg for mercy.

Be afraid. Be very very afraid.
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Jack
Post subject: Re: Amnesty?
PostPosted: Yesterday, 3:39 am
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There is not going to be any amnesty...not as long as I am here...you fukwits did your utmost to insult Praetorian...to disrupt...to think you were some kind of online warriors with some semblance...you thought you had technology on your side...you thought you were better and above our rules..

This is carved upon your invisible gravestones...you may think you are safe...you may think it is over what you did...first time I get fukkin time ...I will bury you useless twats...every last one of you...no one fuks with Praetorian and still is online on show...

We own the bastard net...we always did...now simmer down as little mugs...
Go disrupt among yourselves and wait for the inevitable ...because first time I get a day free it is coming...
Useless bastards...

Notice how the No Threats does not cover you? And the twat that wanted a go with me ... don’t wonder ...I will find you...you will piss your draws when I walk down your fukkin drive...
I am bigger than you think...twat...my fist is bigger than your chest...

Merry fukkin Christmas...:>


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Mon Dec 20, 2010 9:05 am

Yuletide Greetings from Greta The Goat!

A SINGING goat has topped the farmyard charts with a rendition of the Christmas carol Hark the Herald Angels Sing.

Thousands watched Greta "sing" the ditty in an online competition.

She was competing with her four-legged friends Gertrude and Gladys, who sang Oh Come All Ye Faithful and Silent Night.

And when voting closed on Sunday it was a landslide victory, with Greta taking more than 50 per cent of the vote.

The closely-fought competition was run by goat dairy company St Helens Farm in Seaton Ross, near York, after workers discovered the animals produce more milk when music is playing in the parlour.

Farm owner Angus Wielkopolski said: "We were amazed to see how many people watched our talented trio and we were glad to give them all their moment in the spotlight.

"It's been great fun and we must of course congratulate Greta on becoming the St Helens Farm Christmas number one.

"She might get an extra helping of Christmas pudding this year!"

Last week it was reported that goats produce more milk when listening to Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You.

But playing Wizzard's I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day actually slowed milk production.





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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  EarthsAngel on Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:37 pm

El Guapo wrote:Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid...

This Christmas, forget the fun. Forget the lights. And forget the all the candy.

This Christmas will be like no other. This Christmas will be a Christmas to remember.

This Christmas you're gonna scream. You're gonna cry. You're gonna beg for mercy.

Be afraid. Be very very afraid.
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Jack
Post subject: Re: Amnesty?
PostPosted: Yesterday, 3:39 am
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There is not going to be any amnesty...not as long as I am here...you fukwits did your utmost to insult Praetorian...to disrupt...to think you were some kind of online warriors with some semblance...you thought you had technology on your side...you thought you were better and above our rules..

This is carved upon your invisible gravestones...you may think you are safe...you may think it is over what you did...first time I get fukkin time ...I will bury you useless twats...every last one of you...no one fuks with Praetorian and still is online on show...

We own the bastard net...we always did...now simmer down as little mugs...
Go disrupt among yourselves and wait for the inevitable ...because first time I get a day free it is coming...
Useless bastards...

Notice how the No Threats does not cover you? And the twat that wanted a go with me ... don’t wonder ...I will find you...you will piss your draws when I walk down your fukkin drive...
I am bigger than you think...twat...my fist is bigger than your chest...

Merry fukkin Christmas...:>



Who the hell is he going on about? I haven't been near Jezzas for months, I actually thought it had closed down.

Seems like Jack has lost the plot yet again.

They own the bastard net? PMSL!!!!!!

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  EarthsAngel on Mon Dec 20, 2010 12:40 pm

EarthsAngel wrote:
El Guapo wrote:Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid...

This Christmas, forget the fun. Forget the lights. And forget the all the candy.

This Christmas will be like no other. This Christmas will be a Christmas to remember.

This Christmas you're gonna scream. You're gonna cry. You're gonna beg for mercy.

Be afraid. Be very very afraid.
Suspect

Jack
Post subject: Re: Amnesty?
PostPosted: Yesterday, 3:39 am
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Praetorian
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Joined: July 5th, 2008, 4:34 pm
Posts: 927
Location: England
There is not going to be any amnesty...not as long as I am here...you fukwits did your utmost to insult Praetorian...to disrupt...to think you were some kind of online warriors with some semblance...you thought you had technology on your side...you thought you were better and above our rules..

This is carved upon your invisible gravestones...you may think you are safe...you may think it is over what you did...first time I get fukkin time ...I will bury you useless twats...every last one of you...no one fuks with Praetorian and still is online on show...

We own the bastard net...we always did...now simmer down as little mugs...
Go disrupt among yourselves and wait for the inevitable ...because first time I get a day free it is coming...
Useless bastards...

Notice how the No Threats does not cover you? And the twat that wanted a go with me ... don’t wonder ...I will find you...you will piss your draws when I walk down your fukkin drive...
I am bigger than you think...twat...my fist is bigger than your chest...

Merry fukkin Christmas...:>



Who the hell is he going on about? I haven't been near Jezzas for months, I actually thought it had closed down.

Seems like Jack has lost the plot yet again.

They own the bastard net? PMSL!!!!!!





Just noticed, that post was from 2008!

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Mon Dec 20, 2010 3:53 pm

Noooo 2008 is the Date Joined lol xx

Anyways, is Jack really a bit...



...then?

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:19 am

Hang on a sec! Anyone seen Grandad?

A GRANDAD whose wife's flight was diverted from Heathrow to Gatwick during last week's airport chaos spent THREE DAYS driving around the M4 - after getting lost on the way home, it emerged today.

Disorientated Mohammed Bellazrak, 72, is estimated to have driven nearly 2,000 miles in his 66-hour marathon ordeal - while trying to make the 120 mile journey home to Trowbridge, Wiltshire.

The OAP - who set off down the M4 on December 23 to drop his beloved wife Latifa at Heathrow - was forced to change his route after snow mayhem led airline chiefs to divert her flight to Gatwick.

He attempted to drive straight back to the family home in his black Peugeot 307 - but worried relatives called police after he failed to arrive.

CCTV footage showed Mr Bellazrak dropping his wife safely at Gatwick at 8pm on Thursday - but the trail then ran cold.

Cops in the Thames Valley fed his car details into the police Automatic Number Plate Recognition (ANPR) system.

But - over the next three days and nights - they were stunned as he started activating cameras in towns off the M4 all around the south of England, as the Moroccan-born motorist desperately tried to find his way home Mr Bellazrak's driving nightmare finally ended at 2pm on Christmas Day - when his car triggered an ANPR camera in Oxford, and officers were at last able to flag him down.

Sergeant Jo Spencer, who led the hunt for the missing pensioner, yesterday said: "It appears that Mrs Bellazrak was deposited safely at Gatwick by her husband and she flew off on holiday - unaware of the drama involving her husband which was to follow.

"Mr Bellazrak was seen on a CCTV camera leaving Gatwick at about 8pm on December 23, presumably to drive home to Trowbridge, a journey which should have taken a couple of hours.

"However, he didn't arrive and his anxious relatives eventually called the police when they realised he had disappeared.

"They were worried he might have had an accident or something like that.

"We contacted other forces with no success and then asked for the ANPR systems to be activated to see if anyone spotted his number plate.

"We were surprised to discover that ANPR cameras had recorded him in Bracknell, Wokingham, Burnham and High Wycombe - all presumably attempts at finding his way from Gatwick to Wiltshire.

"The last ANPR 'hit' we had showed him at about 6pm on Christmas eve in High Wycombe but then the trail went cold again."

Sgt Spencer said it wasn't until Christmas Day that cops were finally able to stop the OAP going around in circles.

She added: "He was taken to Oxford police station to await the arrival of relatives who drove him safely back home.

"It is an amazing but very sad story and we are very pleased that it had a happy ending on Christmas afternoon.

"Goodness knows how much petrol he must have got through.

"My colleagues are now thinking of investing in Peugeot 307's because they must be very economical to run with lots and lots of miles to the gallon.

"We will be speaking to Mr Bellazrak when he has had a good rest, to see what happened and whether he drove all night or stopped to sleep somewhere."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Wed Jan 05, 2011 8:43 am

Only in America...

AN elite band of superhero crime fighters have started patrolling a city in a bid to rid the streets of tyranny.

The band of do-gooders — decked out in the obligatory comic-book costumes — roam in search of injustice and intervene at the first opportunity.

The group's crusading antics perfectly mimic the hilarious campaign of a disgruntled school pupil in 2010 film Kick-Ass who decides to become a masked superhero.



Phoenix Jones is one of those who has so far been identified as belonging to the group operating in Lynnwood, Washington, in the US.

Seattle Police say they have identified at least nine of the superheroes including Thorn, Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88 and Penelope.

But the league have had to warn police that there are two would-be members out fighting crime who do not belong to their kind.

Cops have been told to ignore Captain Ozone and Knight Owl because they are not recognised members of the secretive 'Rain City Superhero Movement'.

Phoenix hits the streets in a less-than glamorous Kia driven by a female sidekick who never gets out of the car.

But his outfit is a little more becoming of a masked crime fighter.

He himself with mace, tear gas and a Taser, all stored on his Batman-esque utility belt.

His gold and black suit comprises a bullet proof vest and trauma plating on his arms and legs.

And since starting on his mission nine months ago he has had guns pulled on him and been stabbed.



Local TV stations have somehow managed to catch up with Phoenix who said: "When I walk into a neighbourhood, criminals leave because they see the suit.

"I symbolise that the average person doesn't have to walk around and see bad things and do nothing."

Rumours of the crime fighters has swept the region and one local, named only as Dan, has had a face-to-face meeting.

He returned to a car park on Sunday to find someone trying to break into his vehicle — but before he could finish dialling the police he was staring into the eyes of Phoenix.

Dan said: "This guy comes dashing in, wearing this skin-tight rubber, black and gold suit, and starts chasing him away."

He revealed he didn't report the encounter to cops after his friends told him he must have been drunk.

Police spokesman Jeff Kappel said: "There's nothing wrong with citizens getting involved with the criminal justice process - as long as they follow it all the way through."

Phoenix agrees crime fighting isn't for everyone.

He said: "I don't condone people walking around on the street with masks.

"Everyone on my team either has a military background or a mixed martial arts background, and we're well aware of what it costs to do what we do."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Thu Jan 06, 2011 2:28 am

FFS what a joke... one of them could make a mistake and hurt someone innocent soon and have to bin their ' I want to be a hero Muuuum, costumes'... It is dangerous as someone might think a person dressed in 'superhero' garb is trustworthy when they could be the opposite. Groups who are not managed by authorities are open to abuse....
Phoenix looks like the Phantom Flan Flinger LOL
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jan 07, 2011 3:07 pm

Oooh baby I'm going to give you such an explosive orgasm...

A MAN is facing jail after allegedly building a "vibrator bomb" to give to an ex-girlfriend.

Terry Allen Lester, 37, customised the black sex toy by placing "gun powder, BB shot and buck shot from shotgun shells" inside it, according to court papers.

It also had "black and red wires connected to a trigger with a battery port".

Two people who Lester had been staying with called cops to their house in Waseca, Minnesota, US, on January 1 after they found the suspicious item.

Lester had apparently told his former roommates he planned to give the potentially deadly device to a former girlfriend as a Christmas present after their relationship "ended badly".

The papers, published on The Smoking Gun website, revealed: "He told them he would pull the trigger and it would blow them up."

Investigating officers uncovered more sex toys among Lester's possessions, including a pink vibrator with the message "Merry X-mas B****" written on it.

Lester had been previously held for a string of offences including domestic assault and driving under the influence, it was reported.

He is currently being held in jail charged with possession of an explosive/incendiary device and making terroristic threats.

He faces a maximum ten years in prison if convicted.



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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Sat Jan 08, 2011 2:03 am

OMG affraid
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sat Jan 08, 2011 10:11 am

lol

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sat Jan 08, 2011 11:43 am

Gather round children. I'm going to tell you a story...

SCHOOLS were swamped with 4,846 pages of red tape last year - more than all the Harry Potter books and Chronicles of Narnia combined.

Whitehall spewed out 1.62million words of guidance to teachers in Labour's final year in power, That is more than the seven Potter books and seven Narnia works.

It is TWICE the number of words in the Bible or the complete works of Shakespeare. And it is THREE TIMES longer than Tolstoy's epic War and Peace and four times Lord of the Rings.

Education Secretary Michael Gove said: "What Labour's bombardment of schools shows is not only an obsession with pointless bureaucracy but a total lack of trust in teachers."

In the first eight months of the Coalition Government, schools have received 69,714 words of guidance - a reduction of 94 PER CENT.

Headteachers welcomed the move. One said: "Labour's instructions, rules and edicts became soul-destroying."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Thu Jan 13, 2011 10:13 am

A Triumph of Humanity over Commercialism

A HERO pilot held up an entire flight so a devastated passenger could say goodbye to his dying grandson.

The man had been rushing to visit Caden Rodgers, two, after he was reportedly critically injured by his daughter's boyfriend.

But he had been delayed at LAX Airport getting through security and as he arrived at the gates was expecting the worse.

He was stunned to discover the SouthWest Airlines plane still there 12 minutes after it should have left at 11.50am.

Instead the pilot had halted take off, telling him: "They can't go anywhere without me.

"I wasn't going anywhere without you. Now relax.

"We'll get you there and again, I'm so sorry."

It meant he could say goodbye to his grandson, ahead of his life support being switched off and his organs donated to others.

On Monday Theodore Madrid, 30, was charged with first-degree murder and two counts of child abuse resulting in Caden's death on January 5.

Today he is being held in the Arapahoe County jail without bail after Caden's mother Ashley Rodgers, 26, called 911.

The news of the pilot's incredible gesture was revealed by the unnamed passenger's wife in a blog, praising the airline.

She wrote what had happened when she learnt what had happened to her son.

She said: "After only a couple hours sleep, my husband and I began to make all arrangements to get him to Denver to be with our daughter. He is currently on business in LA and is flying SouthWest.

"The ticketing agent was holding back tears throughout the call. I'm actually her step-mother and it was much more important for my husband to be there than for me to be there.

"In LAX, the lines to both check a bag and get through security were exceptional. He got to the airport two hours early and was still late getting to his plane.

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"Every step of the way, he's on the verge of tears and trying to get assistance from both TSA and Southwest employees to get to his plane on time.

"When he got there, the pilot of his plane and the ticketing agent both said, "Are you Mark? We held the plane for you and we're so sorry about the loss of your grandson.

"My husband was able to take his first deep breath of the day. I don't know any other airline that would have done this."

Commenting on the compassion of its employees, a Southwest spokesperson said the airline was 'proud' of the pilot's behaviour.


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Thu Jan 20, 2011 9:36 am

I'm gonna make yous an offer yous all can't refuse...

MORE than 100 suspected mobsters have been arrested in the largest Mafia bust in New York history.

Agents swooped on dozens of properties this morning as part of a massive investigation into the city's organised crime families.

Charges include murder, extortion, racketeering and narcotics trafficking.

The FBI says arrests were made throughout New York City, in New Jersey and New England.

Attorney General Eric Holder and other officials are expected to discuss the cases later at a news conference in Brooklyn.

The takedown is another blow to New York's five Mafia crime families.

Federal probes aided by mob turncoats have decimated the families' ranks and resulted in lengthy prison terms for several leaders.


I wondered why Uncle Vincenzo wasn't answering his phone!
What a Face


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  chelseaz on Thu Jan 20, 2011 10:06 am

is that Dan I see on the right?????
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  danmaspethny on Thu Jan 20, 2011 7:58 pm

nahhhhhhhh, I got a full head of hair.

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sat Jan 29, 2011 10:57 am

S'bit dark in there. Somebody might get hurt!

A Cambridgeshire police inspector has been criticised for banning officers from entering an unlit play area at night – because it is too dark.

Insp Andy Sullivan declared the £1 million Waterlees play park in Wisbech a no-go area after 8pm.

He said: “I am not going to put my staff – police officers or PCSOs – into an area where they can’t see what is going on.”

The announcement was made at a meeting of Wisbech Town Council on Monday (24 January).

The unfinished playground, funded by the government’s Play Pathfinder scheme was hit by vandalism last summer (2010).

Cllr Richard Fulcher said: “I and many other councillors were disgusted with his comments.

“What on earth sort of society have we got where police officers refuse to go anywhere after 8pm?”

Cllr David Patrick added: “He said police officers wouldn’t go into the park because it was dark. Don’t they carry torches?”

Concerned residents claimed at a meeting in October that drunken youths had “taken over” the park and tormenting local people.

County councillors said that flood lighting had not been put up at the request of residents and that planners had refused permission for higher fencing.


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:44 am

Lost tribe of Brazil not so lost...

HUDDLED together, spears at the ready to ward off a passing iron bird - it's a new glimpse of a "lost" tribe.

These red-painted Indians, snapped from the air in a remote Brazilian jungle, are said to be cut off from the world as one of the last "uncontacted tribes". Their discovery follows similar finds in Paraguay, Papua New Guinea and the Andaman Islands.

Remote ... tribe's position
Remote ... tribe's position

Between 50 and 100 Indians of a lost tribe are thought to be living in a newly discovered, previously totally cut off, village, near the Brazilian-Peruvian border.

The "uncontacted" natives were also snapped three years ago by a passing plane.

They are believed to be descended from tribes torn apart during the region's rubber boom a century ago.

Many were killed by disease, which experts say may have left them wary of contact with outsiders.

Brazilian authorities have been monitoring the area amid fears illegal loggers are threatening the tribe, images of whom will be featured in the Jungles episode of BBC1's Human Planet on Thursday.

However photos of this group's primitive rainforest settlement reveal metal goods including a knife and a pan - suggesting they might not be quite as "cut off" as they seem. lol!


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Thu Feb 03, 2011 6:05 am

The Best Of Friends

LOUIE the pig proves he can bring home the bacon at DOG shows with his best friend.

The nine-month-old goes for walks with his pup pals, responds to his name and plays fetch.

But the performing porker can also leap over jumps, weave around poles, run through tunnels and tackle see-saws.

Owner Sue Williams, 46, lets him perform at shows with her 15 trained dogs.

She noticed his talent after letting him run free outside her home in Porthmadog, Wales.

Animal behaviourist Sue said: "He retains information quicker than a dog.

"Crowds are amazed when they see what he can do."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Thu Feb 10, 2011 4:56 pm

Sometimes no words are needed. Just watch the clip and have a good giggle at the prat. The end is especially funny! Note the round number and time in the bottom left corner... lol!


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Fri Feb 11, 2011 5:49 am

hahaha priceless. He dances like me What a Face
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Feb 11, 2011 7:16 am

Hilarious isn't it? hahaha I love how after all the dancing he gets kncoked out in the 1st round! lmfao!!

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