El's Pick of the Day's Stories

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Mon Jun 21, 2010 9:55 am

trust you El...
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Wed Jun 23, 2010 12:16 pm

Playboy. Playgirl. Playskellyton?!

A new calender has hit the internet by storm notching up thousands of sales online. But this calender comes with a twist...

Instead of the usual assortment of babes and hunks posing seductively for your viewing pleasure this calender features pictures of a high-heeled babe in kinky X-RAY shots!

Bad news for all the men admiring the bone structure however as the model in question is only a virtual girl :-(

The company responsible, EIZO, supply medical equipment to hospitals all over the country.




http://i69.servimg.com/u/f69/14/79/25/30/dftwj10.jpg" alt="" />


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jun 25, 2010 4:19 am

The six million dollar moggie

A CAT has received two bionic legs in a world-first op set to transform treatment for human amputees.
Oscar, whose paws were cut off by a combine harvester, can run and leap thanks to the mechanical implants.

They were drilled into his ankle then treated with a substance that amazingly allows bone and skin to grow around them.

Fake paws were then fitted on "see-saw" joints at the end of the prosthetics, giving full movement.

A day after the £4,000 op by pioneering Surrey vet Noel Fitzpatrick, Oscar tried to stand. Four months later he bore weight equally. Now he runs. Dr Fitzpatrick said the techniques he used are "set to transform the future" of orthopaedics.

Owner Mike Nolan, of the Channel Isles, said: "It can be carried over to humans, so that's good for everyone."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Fri Jun 25, 2010 1:00 pm

Wow..the cat is amazing !!! What a Face
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Tue Jun 29, 2010 6:55 am

Listen very carefully. I will say this only once

Like something straight out of a Hollywood movie a Russian spy ring has been smashed in America.

Ten people have been held on suspicion of spying on behalf of the Kremlin for over ten years.

Eight of the accused are alleged to be agents on long-term deep-cover assignments designed to set up contacts to infiltrate the American government.

Two others were arrested for allegedly participating in the same intelligence program.

Among the alleged agents were four couples believed to have been living in suburbs of New York, Washington and Boston since the 1990s.

The "spy ring" allegedly used high-tech communications systems including short-range wireless links between laptop computers.

This meant agents could fire up their computers when they were a short distance apart and pass each other information over a private wireless network.

But there was also lots of Cold War style spying techniques involved with court papers revealing the spies allegedly used invisible ink, radio transmitters and covert bag swaps to pass messages in public.

And they are accused of hiding encrypted data in public images and using fake identities and false travel documents.

Last week, an undercover FBI agent posing as a Russian official arranged a meeting with Anna Chapman, one of the accused, pretending to be ready to send the spy on a mission to deliver a fake passport to another female agent, according to the charges.

He asked. "Are you ready for this step?" before Chapman replied: "S***, yes."

She was told the female agent she was to meet would ask her: "Haven't we met in California last summer?"

Chapman, who was also allegedly instructed to hold a magazine under her arm during the exchange, was to respond: "No, I think it was the Hamptons", according to the FBI.

It is alleged that a false Irish passport was being used by a member of the ring.

The Irish Government said officials had been warned about a link to the so-called "deep cover" operation, broken up after years of secret service investigations.

Court papers claimed one of the defendants, Richard Murphy, was told by his handlers to travel from the US to Rome where he would be given the forged Irish documents.

The charges come after relations between the US and Russia seemed to be thawing.

Last week US president Barack Obama ate a burger with Russian premier Dimitri Medvedev during high profile Washington talks.

Each of the ten 'spies' were charged with conspiracy to act as an agent of a foreign government which has a maximum five-year penalty.

Nine were charged with conspiracy to launder money which carries a minimum 20-year term.

The cases were filed in a New York court.

An 11th defendant is reported to have been arrested in Cyprus today in connection with the alleged spy ring.

Reminds me of the classic Dom Joly sketch...What a Face Very Happy


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Wed Jun 30, 2010 9:34 am

Sometimes no words are needed

A tender scene between two orangutans mirrored a moment every parent will recognise and shows remarkable human-like affection.

It was caught on camera by photographer Evan Hambrick who had been studying the great apes for several weeks.

Mum Deedee and her baby boy Randee had been fascinating Evan before he noticed their special interaction.

While watching the pair at Lowry Park Zoo, Florida, Evan saw Randee injure himself playing near to his mum.

Within moments the distressed youngster was scooped up by his mother and with breath-taking tenderness his poorly finger was kissed better.

Web designer Evan said: "When I first saw what was happening it really made me smile, I could not believe how human-like orangutans are.

"I think the baby had been chewing on some pine straw, then I noticed he made a very distressed face. I think he might have got a splinter.

"He looked like he was about to cry.

"Photos like this almost prove that we are related to them, we share so much I think and don't give them the credit for how much like us they are.

"They are smart, use facial expressions to share emotions and show emotions with their lips and hands, as you can see in this photo.

"Not only is the mother kissing the baby, but she is gently holding the baby's hand and finger and slowly kissing her baby."


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  Jimmy Saville on Wed Jun 30, 2010 10:35 am

You big softie El!!.............

It interesting though how an orangutan knows to kiss it better!
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  Dame Edna on Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:49 pm


Lovely story, and heart warming. Very Happy
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  dolly on Thu Jul 01, 2010 8:33 am

awwww....lovely What a Face
This shows how protective they can be...look at the parents' eyes!!! keep away ....
[img][/img]
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RE ORANGS

Post  chelseaz on Fri Jul 02, 2010 4:35 am

yes we could be related el.my hair certainly looks like that some mornings Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jul 02, 2010 6:54 am

Some parents can be so cruel!

MONIKER-mad Russell Ash has trawled mountains of official records to find the world's most comical names - and found thousands of rib ticklers including Ima Gay, Ada Poo and Fanny E C Lay.

Potty parents nationwide must have either been bonkers or just plain cruel according to his findings.

His new book lists 3,000 of the most unfortunate titles including Ben Dover, Anna Sassin, Pete Sake, Rusty Pipes, Rhoda Broom, Joy Rider, Justin Case, John Thomas Willy and Sandy Beach.

Pat Fenis is a just a spoonerism away from vulgarity and Eva Faithful is included as is Bonk Register, Booby Ogle and Wiggy Piggy and one Lancashire-born baby named Wooloomooloo Roscoe.

There is a Zaiboom McDoom, Elle Fant, Don Key, Eileen Dover, Ura Buffalo, Wanton Coward, Smallpox Tommy and a boy called Tom Tom who probably never got lost!

Others include Placenta Hightshoe, Plegm Click, Hysteria Johnson and Lallu Lala Lad, along with Love Reading, Lovely Day, Lucious Bacon, Tiny Man and Young Love.

The pages also list Wee Girlie Potter, Womble Scoggins, Jangle Bowles, Gush Treacle, Grunt Little, Dong Dong, Ping Pong, Rip Van Wonkis, Fizzy Allgood and spare a thought for Pedor File.

Ophelia Balls was likely to have been ribbed at school and Pearl E Gates and Olive Branch might be unfortunate but Mary Zarse, Ed Banger, Isaac Balls and Etta Lott all raise a smile.

The book, "Frou-Frou, Frisby and Brick", is a fifth former's treasure trove of innuendo and lavatorial humour.

In the book Juan King rubs shoulders with Dick Bellend, while Eric Schon and Randy Bumgardner cause titters.

There is also a chapter of those who have deliberately changed their names which include Daniel Westfallen who is now called Happy Adjustable Spanners.

George Garratt is now known as Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Gary Brett changed his name to Hong Kong Phooey and Steven Lane is now Jellyfish McSavaloy.

Martin Smith wasn't satisfied with his name and is now Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El-Tooty Fruity Farto Hello Hippopotamus Bum.

Author Russell, 64, from Lewes, East Sussex, who recently passed away, said:"It was my publisher who suggested I did the book. I had to be careful of people who are still alive because of legal reasons.

"Sometimes parents get it horribly wrong and all these names have come from birth registers, census returns and official documents.

"When people get married it is not their fault when their names become funny. Cornwall and Yorkshire are good areas for finding these names. Places away from urban areas tend to go their own way.

"My favourites are ones like Drew Peacock and Chris P Bacon, but I also like ones where the surname is already funny.

"There is one person called Jonah Whalebelly and another called Lettice Pray and there is of course Mary Christmas.

"They are all 100 per cent genuine and come from official documents".


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fanny warmer

Post  chelseaz on Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:07 am

oh that made me laugh el.....i remember reading somewhere that scandinavian countries now have a law against calling children stupid names.they can step in and refuse to let their idiotic parents registering it. a funny old world.why would you want to do that to your child? Shocked
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:21 am

Must admit I've done a few funny change of name deeds in my career.

I remember one poor sod who went through life called Suckdeep. It should have been Sukhdeep but the nurse misspelt it on his Birth Certificate lol

Then I had another a-hole who decided to change his name to Don Valentino Ferrari!


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suckdeep

Post  chelseaz on Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:09 pm

lol...did you manage to keep a straight face?
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sun Jul 04, 2010 8:57 am

Yeh. Did what I always do. Just concentrated on what I'm going to spend his fees on lol

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another button

Post  chelseaz on Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:26 am

hey el...just a suggestion...can we have a "show latest news first" button...and a "show oldest news first" button....or is there one and i'm missing it??? cyclops
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Mon Jul 05, 2010 5:48 am

Not sure what you mean tbh. Can you explain a little more? Do you mean a button to show the newest post in the News section, or the newest post in a particular thread?

Or do you mean you want the newest posts to start on the front page of each thread?

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Mon Jul 05, 2010 7:59 am

A serious story

A NAZI executioner wanted for mass murder and concentration camp atrocities strolls through the park in a picture which shames Germany.

Evil Klaas Faber, 88, looked like an ordinary OAP when The Sun went to confront him about his war crimes.

But his white hair and glasses hide a shocking past as a bloodthirsty killer who volunteered for Adolf Hitler's notorious SS and a roving Gestapo death squad.

Faber was sentenced to death after being convicted of war crimes in 1947. But his sentence was commuted to life imprisonment, and in 1952 he escaped from prison in Breda, Holland, and fled to sanctuary in Germany.

Demands by Britain and other nations to hand over Faber - listed as the fifth most-wanted Nazi fugitive - have since been rejected by Germany.

Incredibly, officials still protect the Dutch-born killer and insist he is immune from extradition after Hitler granted him German citizenship as an SS volunteer.

Local privacy laws mean that Germans cannot be told Faber is a war criminal, or see photos of him enjoying his freedom.

But The Sun found Faber in the medieval town of Ingolstadt, where he lives with frail wife Jacoba. The name K. Faber marks the doorbell on his modern flat.

After years as an anonymous office worker at Audi, Faber now enjoys a cosy retirement relaxing in local parks and going on shopping trips in his VW Golf.

Neighbours say the dad of three is quiet, but friendly and polite.

The Sun confronted him and asked if he felt any remorse for his crimes or compassion for his victims and their relatives.

Faber's smile immediately vanished, replaced by an icy stare and grim silence.

His trial heard he was an enthusiastic Nazi who volunteered to join the SS in 1940, then travelled around northern Holland ruthlessly slaughtering Jews and Dutch resistance fighters.

He rose to become an officer with the notorious SD secret police and worked for the Gestapo as an executioner at Westerbork concentration camp, where teenage diarist Anne Frank was held.

He was convicted of murdering at least 22 victims, but the court heard he personally carried out mass shootings and experts believe the real toll was much higher.

Faber was then one of seven Nazi officers who escaped from Breda prison on Boxing Day 1952.

They fled to Germany, where they were welcomed at the border and given coffee and cakes by sympathetic customs officials.

The gang were given token fines for illegally crossing the border, then set free. German authorities still honour the special privileges granted by Hitler himself to his most hardcore followers.

Faber became a German in 1943 under the "Fuhrer's Law" - a personal decree granting German citizenship to foreign Nazi volunteers.

It is the only one of Hitler's laws never to have been revoked, and Germany still uses it to deny repeated attempts to return Faber to prison in the Netherlands.

Outraged Holocaust campaigners last night urged Germany to stop protecting Faber and hand him over to serve his sentence.

Simon Wiesenthal Centre director Dr Efraim Zuroff said: "He is one of the most evil men alive. For Germany to continue shielding him is a shocking stain on the nation's reputation.

"We are talking about someone who volunteered for the SS so he could help Hitler's regime turn his vile beliefs into reality. He didn't just support the Holocaust, he actively helped those behind it.

"The families of those he killed deserve justice, and it's time for Germany to stop hiding behind a law that Hitler brought in."

Sickened Arnold Karstens, of the charity War Crimes Investigations, said: "It is beyond belief that this man is free. Germany should hang its head in shame.

"Faber's crimes are so extreme he should die in prison. What makes it even worse is he has never shown remorse. It is sickening to see him enjoying freedom."

German authorities last night confirmed that Faber was immune from prosecution and extradition, despite repeated requests by the Netherlands to hand him over. State prosecutors decided in 2006 to classify Faber's crimes as manslaughter. So a time limit on trying him in Germany - which does not apply to murder - has now expired. A spokesman added: "Klaas Faber is a German citizen and cannot be extradited for this."


I'm all for bastards like this being brought to justice, even if it is 50 years or so after the event. However, what puzzles and galls me is the judgemental tone of the article.

There seems to be criticism from the journalist to the fact that Germany will not tell the public who this man is and, quite frankly, I'm not sure of the implications of the journalist doing so.


The whole story bears a striking resemblance to that of John Venables. I'm not talking about the actual crime but the way in which the State has tried to protect his identity.

I applaud the journalist for outing this man but part of me thinks why the hell is he in Germany trying to expose a man guilty of war crimes in another country? Why not concentrate on the hundreds of sex offenders and people like John Venables who are allowed to freely roam OUR streets?

Germany is no more guilty for protecting this man's identity than Britain is for protecting that of Venables.



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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:13 am

Feed curry to Sheep?!

FEEDING curry to SHEEP could help save the planet, say scientists.

Boffins have found that coriander and turmeric can reduce the amount of methane produced by sheep by up to 40 per cent.

Working a bit like an antibiotic, the spices — traditionally used in curry — were found to kill the "bad" bacteria in the animal's gut while allowing the "good" bacteria to flourish.

The findings are part of a study by Newcastle University research student Mohammad Mehedi Hasan and Dr Abdul Shakoor Chaudhry.

Mr Hasan explained: "Spices have long been used safely by humans to kill bacteria and treat a variety of ailments.

Coriander seeds, for example, are often prescribed for stomach complaints while turmeric and cloves are strong antiseptics.

"Methane is a major contributor to global warming and the slow digestive system of ruminant animals such as cows and sheep makes them a key producer of the gas.

"What my research found was that certain spices contain properties which make this digestive process more efficient so producing less waste — in this case, methane."

Latest figures held by Defra show that in 2009 there were an estimated 30 million sheep in the UK, each producing around 20 litres of methane a day.

As well as the environmental implications of this, it also means sheep waste vital energy.

They lose an estimated 12 per cent of their food energy to methane production that results in a lower milk and meat yield.


Just don't order them the Lamb Tikka Masala. It could be one of their relations... What a Face



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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jul 09, 2010 5:48 am

Take the first left you must!

LEGENDARY Star Wars character Yoda is to use the force to guide drivers on UK roads - after being revealed as the latest celebrity voice for TomTom.

The satellite-navigation company has added the little green Jedi Master to its line-up of stars from the sci-fi movies.

Already motorists can have Darth Vader and robot C3-PO tell them which way to turn while Han Solo, played by Harrison Ford in the films, is due to be announced next month.

Alain Pakiry, of TomTom, said: "Yoda is one of voices most frequently requested by the TomTom community. So we're thrilled to launch the official Yoda voice, available only on TomTom devices."

Yoda's navigation instructions include "After 700 hundred metres hmm, keep to the right then take a sharp left. Control, control, if a Jedi you wish to be."

And Star Wars fans will be pleased to know, Yoda's reverse speech is included in the voiceovers.

To your destination safely, he will take you - for £7.95, if you download him!


What an awesome idea!!!! Do I reeeeeally need to say HOW MUCH I WANT THIS?!! lol



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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  DarkLord on Fri Jul 09, 2010 6:42 am

I'm buying a TomTom Just for that! cheers
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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:03 am

DarkLord wrote:I'm buying a TomTom Just for that! cheers


lol

Me too!!

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:24 am

Gazza buys Moat a KFC

THE swoop on Raoul Moat followed a crazy Friday in the usually quiet village of Rothbury - with even GAZZA getting involved.

The former England football hero turned up at the police cordon claiming to be a pal of fugitive "Moaty" and bringing him lager and chicken.

Earlier there had been a bizarre mood as news spread that cops had the killer cornered near the tennis courts - with locals thronging the streets to see what was going on.

Some were even getting set to "celebrate" the end of the manhunt and the tense stand-off with armed cops.

The air of unreality was capped when Paul Gascoigne suddenly turned up claiming to be "good friends" with the gunman.

Ex-Newcastle United hero Gazza, 43, arrived at the police cordon asking to be let through to speak to "Moaty" and clutching a dressing gown and a fishing rod.

Gascoigne - who had apparently come by taxi from Newcastle - said he had brought the wanted man a "can of lager, some chicken, a mobile phone and something to keep warm".

He told Tyneside's Metro Radio: "He is willing to give in now. I just want to give him some therapy and say. 'Come on Moaty, it's Gazza'."

Gascoigne, who appeared to be drunk, claimed to know Moat from his days as a nightclub bouncer.

He added: "He is all right - simple as that and I am willing to help him. I have come all the way from Newcastle to Rothbury to find him.

"I'm risking my own life to make sure he is all right."

But Gazza's agent Kenny Shepherd reacted with disbelief on being told the troubled star had turned up in Rothbury, saying: "He's doing what? I am sitting having an evening meal in Majorca. I'm speechless."

Gascoigne also told Real Radio North East: "I heard he was by the river, and I brought my fishing rod too so we can fish together and have a chat. I want to talk to him because I think I'm the only man to help him.

"All he wants to do is surrender. I knew he's a good lad.

"The police wouldn't let me through because they were frightened he might shoot me, but I know he won't.

"I have just been in a car crash, hit a wall at 90mph. I survived that, so I can survive a bullet - knowing my luck he will probably miss.

"All I want to shout is 'Moaty, it's Gazza' and I guarantee me and him could sit and chat. I would say, 'Why don't you just put the gun away, throw it in the river? The police are not going to kill you'."

He added: "He was like a gentleman - someone must have wound him up. Obviously he's killed someone and shot two, which is not nice really.

"He's a lovely bloke, I think he is frightened. All he wants to do is surrender. I know he's a good lad."

Radio reporter Katie Halliwell said: "Gazza said he desperately wanted to help his friend out. He said when he heard what was going on he jumped straight in a taxi to help."

Gascoigne, who has had well documented battles with drink for years, is also a keen angler and a frequent visitor to Rothbury where the fishing is good locally.

He famously fell off the wagon in the village in 1999, when locals reported seeing him drunk in a pub.


Shocked Shocked


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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  EarthsAngel on Sat Jul 10, 2010 11:51 am

It looks like a case of 'One arsehole to another' both of them beyond any sort of help, beyond redemption? They both seems like low life scum.

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

Post  El Guapo on Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:08 pm

I'm glad they got to Moat before he managed to hurt any more people...it's just something about the thought of a drunken Gascoigne turning up out the blue with beer and fried chicken for Moat that I find hilarious Very Happy

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Re: El's Pick of the Day's Stories

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