NEVER ENDING STORY....

got rid of, but I'm not a violent man I'll have to hire a hit-man, but that could take time, I'll invite xtras to dinner and throw her in the cellar (sorry guy's I've got cellar on the brain, Colin's fault) so El picks up the phone to call xtras when there's a knock on the door, it's............

"xtras"......she called through the tiny letterbox.."omfgg" thought El..he practiced his cheesy smile, before opening the door, "ello dahlin, hows you"....He clenched his teeth as he forced himself to give her a hug, hmmm thought xtras...."El's quite a short arse...never realised that before..".
"cut the crap El.." shouted xtras..."iv'e heard from......"

Chelsea Boy, he is picking me up in an hour. We are going to Sol headquarters, they know El.....they know all about............

A&D i had to tell them El after all i am a trusted MOD on there and Dogs and Jezza and a couple more i won't mention. El i need you to help me write a letter, you know my tpying....grrrrrr typgn....shit tpygni oh ball key pad work thingy, can you tpye a lettre fro em plase..grrrrr, El looked her straight in the eye and said......

.."You fucking Gooner!"

Xtras looked at him sadly and said "Well you know I've always really wanted to be a Headhunter, but they don't let people who haven't a clue about football join."

El looked at her for a few moments without speaking before..

...how could he own up to supporting Chelsea, when he didn't have a clue about football either, he just picked that team cos he thought chelsa was a posh area..*sighs*..how can he tell her he thought Dropga was a skill, League Table was a posh name for furniture, playing top trumps was no good, all the reading up in the magazine Shoot, hadn't helped him learn anything about this game ....he took a deep a breath "right here it goes.." he thought........

I must think fast..think on my feet i know i will walk up and down that white line thingy shouting a lot. Pass to him in the Black he is free no-one marking him, they will never know he thought. He looked at the white line, then looked around and thought why not, he lowered his head till his nose touched the white line then sniffed..Oh yes he said, Xtras was beside him in a flash doing the same they looked at each other smiled then noticed they were not alone, standing in front of them was Nelix..God said El we have just sniffed her gear we must..........

and whispered in El's ear, shall we substitute the ticking clock foe a real bomb and send it on to jedward.. A sneaky smile came over El's face and the glint in his eye told her.....

I can get your wand to work El. No good El too small, i know i will make a potion We need Eye of newt, A butterflies eye lid a catapillar comb, a pinch of salt 2 knobs of butter and a touch of black pepper..right thats lunch sorted said Xtras. I know B has some explosive, she got it last year to help clean her ears out i am sure she will have some left..i will give her a ring.(((ring))) (((ring)))..Hello B here what the f*7@k ya want, it's me Xtras have you still got some Explosives me and El can have, B said.......

...... tongue she had pulled out of some ones arse earlier this month, over to the table to get a good look, ermmm, she thought still in good knick,she unscrewed the jar the tongue was placed in pop!!, the lid was open..."*%$@*@*@*@**" came the noise, like that of a wailing banshee. ...quickly she placed the tongue back in the jar,.."arrghh what is that noise, it makes? some sort of foreign language,," must get me i phone out and use the translator..she smiled to herself, as she thought.. I should have used this on xtras when she was winning all those popularity threads..crowned hah!!!!! i'll get her one day mark my word.., putting the receiver to her mouth ,"yes lovey i have just what you're looking for, come over and...."

worried, Arthur was an old gossip and she didn't want him to know the truth. Oh this, it's just a bit of old tongue that xtras ripped out of an arse, we were going to pickle it and send it back to its owner......vinegar tits.

I'll just wrap it up for xtras, she is going to pick it up and do the pickling and post to its in.......................

...owner and we'll forget about the whole thing."

"No we bloody won't said," Arthur said. "I want to know why the fuck a tongue is wriggling about on our coffee table making weird horrible wailing noises in some strange foreign laguage I can't fucking decode and which seems to cut right through my brain like a red hot fucking poker and if it was stuck up somebodies arse how the fuck have you got hold of it??!!!"

B thought quickly. How could she distract him? She knew there were only two things a man ever really worried about. Where to shit and what to eat. She looked at him sizing him up and down before deciding he didn't really look like he wanted or needed to take a shit...

Her mind worked in overdrive. She could almost feel red hot piping steam leaking out of her brains due to the heartpounding gut wrenching pressure of it all. What did she have in the kitchen that Arthur might enjoy eating?

Suddenly she had the answer!

"There's...

....some of that beef curry left we had for dinner. well i say beef, it was actually spam. But it was quite tasty..If you swallowed it quick.. Arther ambled his way to the kitchen, and sat at the table. "you know B, he said quietly, I think you've got a secret and are keeping it from me!" B turned round and saw that look on Arthers face, the one that said..Tell me or else!! She remembered it from when they were little. Scared now, she....

knew she had to think on her feet when he had that look...........she had to think quickly, she daren't tell him the truth, it would be all over town within the hour. OK Arthur, she said, come and have some of this lovely "cough" beef curry and I'll tell you the truth. Whilst she was warming up the left over spam curry, her mind was racing, it would have to be so believable, she would also have to keep a straight face while lying to him, suddenly she had it!! She put the spam curry in front of him while she went over it again in her mind, OK Arthur, here is what really happened, Xtras decided that tongue had to be stopped, it needed to be extracted from the arse of ................

El Guapo!!!!!!!! He is an expert at extracting tongues from peoples arses. Good job Arthur hadn't noticed it was still attached to an arse. Arthur was getting stuck into his spam curry (he thought it looked like dog poo) he was hungry, Xtras had a few minutes to get hold of El Guapo and ask his to come and extract the toungue. He wasn't very impressed at being disturbed by this phone call and it it quite plain.....what the fuck do ya fink I can fukkin do bart it, of ok fuck me, I'll be there in five minuets. Arthur was still trying to force the spam curry down his throat when the door bell rang, Xtras ran to open it thinking El Guapo had come to the rescue, it wasn't El Guapo, she almost fainted when she saw the face of...................

CB standing at the door, any work guvnor he said, I'm a chippy he said, Chippy where's your frier? NO chippy ...a carpenter!!, OH i loved their songs drooled Xtras, seeing he was onto a good thing here he said i will go up the Apples and pears darlin and give ya bedroom the once over if you like me ol cocka, ok said Xtras but first do you know how to extract someone's tongue for someone arse, course i do me little sparra he said. Xtras led CB to the kitchen where he saw the jar on the table containing the tongue and arse....Hmmmmmm he said..gunna cost ya, ok CB me and B will make it worth your while promise, at that Cb grabbed the jar pulled out the tongue and arse and........

Killed all the moths that were released, I got a fiver CB that must be enough it's only a little tongue in a big arse...CB rubbed his chin and after a while he said ok me ol cocka i'll take the £7.67p and a plate of that Ruby Murrey served to me by Xtras and B in French Maids outfits....Deal before Xtras or B could say yes Arthur jumped in and shouted DEAL me old mucca. At that CB approached the jar containing the Tongue and Arse, unscrewed the lid and.....

Out popped a bag of Chips..........Minston was staggered by her beauty, but Felix was not amused. Miston thought he had got away with it but Elsie Ploy had already dobbed him in!