NEVER ENDING STORY....

... gently removed his tool from his pouch...he removed the tongue and shoved it into his pouch for safe keeps, his curry was ready, he sat down to eat, whilst xtras began polishing downstairs, B who had quietly sneaked off.....along with the £7.67p

B returned with 2 bottles of cheap gin..come on then lover boy time to pay the rent..Xtras looked at B and said "What you think you are doing B, get down stairs and start the cleaning" ..CB looked at Xtras and saw all his worst fears wrapped up in Xtras, i must get out of here he thought, just then the jar whistled past his ear he turned to see Xtras just about to throw the bed pan..ok ok said CB i am going as he ran down the stairs, right that got rid of him now back to B and the £6 thats mine at that Xtras went down the Stairs, " OH B" sge said in a false soft voice, B came out the kitchen to.......

with that he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him........*puff .puff..* he leant against a brick wall, "fek me... he said out loud.."*%@*@*%@*"..ay! he could hear a strange noise coming from his pouch..."*@*@%@~~~@''@"...jesus christ what is that horrible sound!!! the noise was coming from his pouch..
meanwhile back in the cess pit.. B had passed out on the sofa, mumbling something ..xtras began removing the latex mask... to reveal..

an extremely fat and ugly old hag from Blackpool, this old hag had a mattress strapped to her back, ummmmmmmmmm thought Xtras, she must get really tired, its the only explanation she could think of for anyone carrying a mattress on their back.Maybe she works really hard under the pier at night. Xtras knew instinctively not to trust this horrendously huge and ugly woman, she had sly eyes and a pinched mouth.

Being a very astute woman, Xtras thought for a few seconds, maybe, just maybe.....knowing the gargoyle who stood in front of her was really thick, I could con her into cybering Arthur and keep him He would be so busy laughing at this wanna be sex goddess, he would keep his nose out of their little plan..............I just hope the webcam session doesn't do any lasting damage to his psyche. Nah, she wasn't really bothered about him, she just needed to put the plan into action, she took a pic of the gargoyle on her iphone and sent it to..........

...the tv show "Who Lives in a Hole Like this" presented by ", David The Real Deal Dickinson"...... she was amazed at the quick response she received, letters, emails, telephone calls, everyone wanted to know what kind of hole this was, there seemed to be no sign of life, but plenty of fungus, ....even David Attenborough was intrigued, he planned to do a pilot show.."Crustaceans at Large" and as Attenborough was the top man in this field, she let him have the details... Attenborugh was extremely excited & baffled by this new project, he conitinued to have his team, track down the tongue the chippy seemed to have dissappeared with, while he worked on this , there seemed to be a link and he wanted to get to the bottom of it .....:.........

David Attenborough set up his team, Team 1 find CB the chippy and get that tongue we need to know who's it is, how did it get so far up that arse? and why was it so far up the arse. Team 2 find the arse find out who's arse it is and what it did to deserve a tongue so far up it.
Mean while Xtras was furiously looking for Colin and El to warn them fifa was on the rampage..i know she thought i need help then she remembered the ACE private investigation team she was mates with the top PI Dolly the scurge of the underworld, she gad the nose of a blood hound and the stealth of a cheetah. Xtras ran to the nearest phone but just as she was about to Dial Dolly's number......

....get that old tramp to help him, he had given him that disgusting kebab after all, albeit accidently. He told Xtras, in a terrified and quivering voice, he would get some help. He looked to where the old tramp was finishing the last of his kebab and taking a good slug from the bottle of absinthe, CB had the feeling he had seen the old tramp before, but didn't dwell on it as he was still trembling from his last encounter with Xtras. He walked over to the old tramp and asked him if he would like to help solve a problem, the tramp looked up at him with runny bloodshot eyes and answered....whatizt wurf gov , CB said he would give him a bottle of Absinthe once the job was finished, the beady, bloodshot eyes of the tramp looked up at CB, a sly and mad look in them, the tramp tried to get up from where he had fallen, as he was halfway up CB suddenly recognised the smelly old tramp (he had fallen in some dog shit) the blood drained from his face as he realized who this old reprobate was......OMFG he was panicking now, if Xtras ever found out he had enlisted the help of................

This most evil of evil people he was a dead man. CB searched through the dark depths of his rarely used mind to find a way out of his Predicament. Suddenly a light bulb switched on above his head lighting up the ally at the same time CB had an idea, he turned to the tramp who by this time had hidden his face in shame and said "Mr tramp, we need to get you out of that dog shite and give you something worthwhile to do" "OK guv" siad the tramp still hiding his face but it aint that easy getting the dog shite off, it tends to stick to ya like a limpit. Ok Mr tramp said CB go back into the bowls of hell from whence you came and take down the manes of all the people without a tongue and all those missing and arse and call me on this number. The tramp ran off tripping and falling in more dog shite as he went. CB thought phew glad Xtras didn't see that but little did he know that in the shadows hiding from view was PI Dolly who heard and saw everything, she had made notes on everything that was said, once CB had left the ally PI Dolly went to the phone box to call......

...Selfridges to find out whether her new sparkly dancing shoes had arrived yet.

After being told the designers were still waiting for another shipment of glitter from Taiwan to finish making them she pondered on what her next move should be.

Suddenly her phone rang. It was Xtras.

"Dolly...allo luv. Been troiyin ter get 'old of yer loike for ahges! Need ter use yer services loike..."

Dolly hesitated. Should she tell Xtras what she had just witnessed..or she she try to sell it to her? She decided on the latter. She was, after all, a Scouser, and whilst you can take the Scouse out of Liverpool, you'll never take Liverpool out of the Scouse.

"What can I do you for Mrs X?" Dolly answered slyly, already planning in her mind the best way to con Xtras out of the maximum possible amount of money.

"Oi need yer to get word ter El Guapo loike that Fifa 'as escaped from der nuthouse!"

Dolly's blood ran cold. Could it be true? Fifa escaped? On the loose?! Her plans to try and extract money from Xtras suddenly dissipated. This was far more important than raising the cash for that new set of hubcaps she had seen in Halfords the other day. With Fifa loose in the city the entire civilisation was as stake! The whole fabric of humanity could collapse! This woman was more than a menace. This woman would be the end of the world.

Dolly cast her mind back to the last time Fifa escaped and remembered with a shudder how close Fifa had come to destroying any form of accepted communication that time. With constant typos Fifa managed to get almost half the entire Globe wondering whether it was their spelling of words that was wrong or Fifa's. A whole three letters of the alphabet had been lost forever, never to be uttered again, the last time Fifa was on the loose. Panicking, Dolly shouted back down the phone to Xtras.

"Listen Chuck! Jus' cahlm down a'right? Jus' cahlm down! I'll call El right now Chuck!"

Dolly hung up on Xtras and desperately punched numbers into her cellphone. She heard a ringing tone before, maddeningly, it switched to voicemail.

"Hello this is El. I'm busy at the moment. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you."

Dolly cursed to herself. Where the hell could that damn skellyton be at this time?! Then it hit her. Of course! He would be trying to chat up that bit of posh totty EarthsAngel on MSN!

Dolly needed internet access and she needed it fast...

Only 2 things stopped Dolly PI from getting on the internet
1. She didn't have the internet.
2. she didn't have a computer.
Apart from that it was an plan excellent thought patting herself on the back, i know she thought, i will borrow (cough) a car and go round to El's place if he's not there i can always raid his fridge it's bound to be stocked full of Pasta and Parmesan Cheese and Salami.
When she reached El's house El was nowhere to be seen, but the front door was jara (ajar) fifa has been here she thought, tell tail signs odor rboek (door broke) huoes (house) sakeran(ransacked) definitely fifa's doing. I hope the frige is ok she thought my belly is as empty as this years Arsenal trophy cabinet. She whipped herself some Pasta and chips with a Parmesan and Salami sauce topped off with ketchup. Dolly sat herself down to eat when out the corner of her eye she saw........

[b]
..El's laptop. Hmmmmm, she thought,this must be dame fortune looking down on me or sommat like that. She opened it up and low and behold if there werent a list of admin passwords for all the forums in er..forum land! Well well well, she chuckled, actually she choked as a piece of pasta slid down her gob the wrong way, El you little devil! She read the list in front of her..sol, password dannypoof, jezzas password jackinthebox, dogs ididntpinchit..eoe turnipsareus..a+d..showmeyatitsea..Well this was going to come in handy she said out loud, though why out load we'll never know! she was just about to start the lappy up when....