BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
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danmaspethny
EarthsAngel
dolly
El Guapo
Jimmy Saville
Dame Edna
10 posters
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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El Guapo- Admin
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
For many, the only exposure to Ancient Rome comes from what they have seen in the movies or on television. Unfortunately, films like Gladiator, Spartacus, Barabbas, and Demetrius and the Gladiators don’t present a very accurate depiction of life in Rome and the arena.
Considering the fact that the Roman Empire existed for so long, and so much of our own Western society has derived from it, it is no surprise that we all have at least one or two misconceptions about the Empire and its people.
For this reason, here is a list of the most misconceptions people hold about the Ancient Roman society and customs. Fortunately most are easily proven wrong as you will see when you read on:
10
Thumbs Up
Contrary to popular belief, the emperor did not give a thumbs up or down for a gladiator as a signal to kill his enemy. The emperor (and only the emperor) would give an open or closed hand – if his palm was flat, it meant “spare his life”, if it was closed, it meant “kill him”. If a gladiator killed his opponent before the emperor gave his permission, the gladiator would be put on trial for murder, as only the emperor had the right to condemn a man to death. In the image above we see this myth in action.
9
Atia
HBO/BBC created an excellent series called “Rome” which covers a number of years of the Roman Empire. In the series they have, unfortunately, slandered the good name of one of the main Characters, Atia (Mother of Octavian – Augustus – and niece of Julius Caesar). In the show she is seen as a licentious, self-absorbed and manipulative schemer who is Mark Antony’s lover. In reality, Atia was a highly moral woman, well regarded by Roman Society at the time. Tacitus had this to say of her:
"In her presence no base word could be uttered without grave offence, and no wrong deed done. Religiously and with the utmost delicacy she regulated not only the serious tasks of her youthful charges, but also their recreations and their games".
8
Vomitoria
A very persistent myth about the Romans is that they would feast until they were full, then visit a room called a vomitorium to “vomit” the food out so they could start over again. This is a myth – the vomitoria were actually passages that enabled people to move quickly to and from their seats in an amphitheater. These vomitoria made it possible for thousands of Roman citizens to be seated within minutes.
7
Romans Spoke Latin
While it is true that the Romans did speak a form of Latin known as vulgar Latin, it was quite different from the Classical Latin that we generally think of them speaking (Classical Latin is what we usually learn at University). Vulgar Latin is the language that the Romance languages (Italian, French, etc.) developed from. Classical Latin was used as an official language only. In addition, members of the Eastern Roman Empire were speaking Greek exclusively by the 4th century, and Greek had replaced Latin as the official language.
6
Poor Plebeians
In modern days we tend to use the term plebeian to refer to the common or poor classes, but in Rome, a plebeian was just a member of the general populace of Rome (as opposed to the Patricians who were the privileged classes). Plebeians could, and very often did, become very wealthy people – but wealth did not change their class.
5
Romans Wore Togas
When we think of Romans, we almost always imagine men in togas. But in fact, the toga was a very formal piece of clothing – to say that the Romans always wore togas would be the same as saying that the English always wear top-hats and tails. Juvenal says this: “There are many parts of Italy, to tell the truth, in which no man puts on a toga until he is dead”. The average roman would have worn tunics.
4
The Salting of Carthage
There is a popular misconception that when Rome conquered Carthage, they salted the farmlands to prevent anything from growing. In fact, this is a 20th century myth which has no bearing in reality. When the Romans conquered Carthage, they went from house to house capturing slaves and slaughtering the rest. They burnt the city to the ground and left it as a pile of ruins. This resulted in the loss of a great deal of historical information on Carthage, which makes the study of it difficult in modern times.
3
Et tu, Brute
Caesar’s last words were actually “And you also” as recorded (in Greek) by Suetonius: Και συ Τέκνον (kai su teknon). These words were spoken to Brutus, which is undoubtedly the reason that Shakespeare coined the phrase: “And you, Brutus”. The meaning of his last words is unknown – but it would seem fair to think that he was telling his murderer: “you will be next”. Caesar was bi-lingual (Greek and Latin) and Greek was the dominant language in Rome at the time, so it is not unreasonable that his last words would have been uttered in that language.
2
Gladiators Were All Men
In fact, women were gladiators too (though they were called gladiatrices – or gladiatrix for singular). While the first documented appearance of gladiatrices appears under the reign of Nero (37 – 68 AD), there are implications in earlier documents that strongly suggest they existed before. A strong condemnation against female gladiators of the Flavian and Trajanic eras can be found in the Satire VI of Juvenal, decrying the fact female gladiators were typically from upper-class families and seeking thrill and attention. Emperor Severus banned female gladiators around AD 200 but records show that this ban was largely ignored.
1
Nero Fiddled While Rome Burned
In fact, most modern historians believe that Nero was not even in Rome when the fire started. The fire started in shops selling flammable goods, though it was later blamed on the Christians (which brought on a new onslaught of persecutions). Nero was actually in Antium when the fire started, and when he heard about it he rushed back to Rome to organize relief efforts. According to Tacitus: “the population searched for a scapegoat and rumors held Nero responsible. To diffuse blame, Nero targeted a sect called the Christians. He ordered Christians to be thrown to dogs, while others were crucified and burned.”
So there you have it..
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
Join date : 2010-01-28
Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
Join date : 2010-01-28
Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Interesting facts on Rome Nel . Ohhhhh poor kitty ...
Guest- Guest
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
That nero was a bastard wasn't he !!!!
I would love to shave the hair of the owner of the cat...and leave a blob on top of their head and see how they feel....dipsticks....grrrrr
I would love to shave the hair of the owner of the cat...and leave a blob on top of their head and see how they feel....dipsticks....grrrrr
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
A picture to suit the weather ....
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Good surgestion there about the cat owner..And only a blunt razor would do, of course Spoiling a beautifull cat like that is near on criminal imo! Anyway, heres a little heartwarming selection from our good friend Catnip.. Thxx nippy and keep em coming..
NAIROBI (AFP) - A baby hippopotamus that survived the
tsunami waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong
bond with a giant male century-old tortoise in an animal
facility in the port city of Mombassa , officials said
the hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about
300 kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the Indian Ocean , then forced back to shore when tsunami waves struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers rescued him.
'It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a
male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother',' ecologist Paula Kahumb u,who is in charge of Lafarge Park , told AFP.
'After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized.
It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother.
Fortunately, it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond.
They swim, eat and sleep together,' the ecologist added.
'The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it followed its mother.
If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive, as if protecting its biological mother,' Kahumbu added.
'The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their mothers for four years,' he explained.
'Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away'
This is a real story that shows that our differences don't matter much when we need the comfort of another.
We could all learn a lesson from these two creatures.
'Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.'
'Look beyond the differences and find a way to walk the path together.' Fine words, and what we should all be trying to do in this life..
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Location : Deep space 9.
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
Join date : 2010-01-28
Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Mehndi is the application of Henna as a temporary form of skin decoration which is popular in South Asia, the Middle East, North Africa and Somalia. Mehndi decorations became fashionable in the West in the late 1990s, where they are sometimes called henna tattoos. Henna is typically applied during special occasions like weddings and festivals. It is usually drawn on the palms and feet, where the color will be darkest because the skin contains higher levels of keratin which binds temporarily to lawsone, the colorant of henna. Henna was used as a form of decoration mainly for brides.
The term henna tattoo is inaccurate, because tattoos are defined as permanent surgical insertion of pigments underneath the skin, as opposed to pigments resting on the surface. Likely due to the desire for a "tattoo-black" appearance, many people have started adding the synthetic dye PPD to henna to give it a black color. PPD is extremely harmful to the skin and can cause severe allergic reactions resulting in permanent injury or even, in the worst case, death....
I love this art form, so intricate and really looks lovely..
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Oh nel..those pics of the hippo and tortoise..so heart warming, beautiful....
the cat in the basket...hehehehe
the cat in the basket...hehehehe
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
Join date : 2010-01-28
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Good afternoon.. The last few days have been a little strange, to say the least ..But its business as usual..
Thank you nippy for the following..
Three women and three men are travelling by train to the football game. At the station, the three men each buy a ticket and watch as the three women buy just one ticket.
'How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?' asks one of the men.
'Watch and learn,' answers one of the women.
They all board the train. The three men take their respective seats but all three women cram into a toilet together and close the door.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, 'Ticket please.' The door opens just a crack, and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The men see this happen and agree it was quite a clever idea so after the game, they decide to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip but see, to their astonishment, that the three women don't buy any ticket at all!!
'How are you going to travel without a ticket?' asks one perplexed man.
'Watch and learn,' answer the women.
When they board the train, the three men cram themselves into a toilet, and the three women cram into a toilet just down the way.
Shortly after the train is on its way, one of the women leaves her toilet and walks over to the toilet in which the men are hiding. She knocks on their door and says, 'Ticket please.'
I'm still trying to figure out why men think they are smarter than women... I love it!!
WHO SAID FOOTBALLERS AREN'T INTELLIGENT?..
My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. "
David Beckham
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league."
Mark Viduka
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had."
David Beckham
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day."
Neville Southall
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable."
Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well."
Alan Shearer
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona "
Mark Draper
"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."
Peter Shilton
"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester "
Stan Collymore
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing."
Ade Akinbiyi
"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
Ian Wright
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."
Ugo Ehiogu
" Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough."
Jonathan Woodgate
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce
"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right."
Lee Hendrie
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
Ian Rush
" Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today."
Steve Lomas
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock."
Barry Venison
"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet."
David Beckham
"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European."
Phil Neville
"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
Mitchell Thomas
"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
Alan Shearer
"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
Johnny Giles
"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
Thierry Henry
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
A very good afternoon from a rain swept Gorleston by the sea.. BBQ today..lolol And what the frig is happening in the racing and the footie today? Is it the silly season? Oh well, laters peeps..
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
Join date : 2010-01-28
Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Hey nel..LOL..those jokes were good hehehehe
I see we came last in the Eurovision Song Contest..lmao
Nice to know the rest of Europe warm to us hehehe
Sun is out here one minute then cloudy, cool and breezy out so no barbecue for tea....
I see we came last in the Eurovision Song Contest..lmao
Nice to know the rest of Europe warm to us hehehe
Sun is out here one minute then cloudy, cool and breezy out so no barbecue for tea....
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Winston walks into the front door of the A&D bar. He is obviously drunk and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks El for a drink. El politely informs Winston that it appears he has already had plenty to drink and that he could not be served additional liquor. El offers to call a cab for Win.
Winston is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down from the bar stool, and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, Winston stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. El comes over and - still politely if not more firmly - refuses to service Win and again offers to call a cab. Winston looks at El for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Winston bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. El comes over and emphatically reminds Win that he is drunk and will be served no drinks. He then tells him that he can either call a cab or the police immediately.
A surprised Winston looks at El and in hopeless anguish cries, "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
Winston is briefly surprised, then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down from the bar stool, and staggers out the front door. A few minutes later, Winston stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. El comes over and - still politely if not more firmly - refuses to service Win and again offers to call a cab. Winston looks at El for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
A few minutes later, Winston bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits and belligerently orders a drink. El comes over and emphatically reminds Win that he is drunk and will be served no drinks. He then tells him that he can either call a cab or the police immediately.
A surprised Winston looks at El and in hopeless anguish cries, "Man! How many bars do you work at?"
Jimmy Saville- Posts : 438
Join date : 2010-01-27
Location : No idea. Lost again. This happens a lot dammit...
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
hahahahahahhaa!
Brilliant!! lol
Brilliant!! lol
El Guapo- Admin
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
winston...good one...hehehehehehe
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
Some strange facts ...lol
The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!
Most lipstick contains fish scales!
Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!
One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!
It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!
Well in that case I will not be visiting St Louis..
The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows!
Most lipstick contains fish scales!
Skepticisms is the longest word that alternates hands when typing!
One ragweed plant can release as many as one billion grains of pollen!
It's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while you're sitting on a curb in St. Louis!
Well in that case I will not be visiting St Louis..
dolly- Posts : 548
Join date : 2010-01-26
Location : Dancin in her sparkly shoes! Boop de be doop yeh!
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2 Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
3 I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
4 Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
5 Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
6 We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
7 Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
8 The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
9 Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
10 If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
11 We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
12 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich...
13 Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
14 War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
15 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
16 Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
17 My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch...
18 Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand...
19 The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
20 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Age : 72
Location : Deep space 9.
Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
I was having a drink at a local restaurant with my friend Frank when he spotted an attractive woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering his courage, he approached her and asked, "Would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responded by yelling at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't come over to your place tonight!"
With everyone in the restaurant staring, Frank crept back to our table, puzzled and humiliated. A few minutes later, the woman walked over to us and apologized.
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," she said, "but I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying human reaction to embarrassing situations."
At the top of his lungs Frank responded, "What do you mean, two hundred dollars?"
Dame Edna- Posts : 641
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
hahahaha!
I'm gonna use that one! lol
I'm gonna use that one! lol
El Guapo- Admin
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Re: BITS AND BOBS..Funny, serious, mad, bad, inane, insane...anything goes here.
I LOVE THIS WEATHER!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
El Guapo- Admin
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